Bargayott's Last Post

How dramatic that sounds. But yes this post is going to be my last. The year-long collaboration of bargayott-valjusha has come to a close. Today I've completed 19 years and I'm not bored and high school is over. This blog belongs to our high school time. Now it's on to new beginnings and new inspirations (and new blogs?).

I think I speak for both Valjusha and myself when I say that we got lots of fun and laughs out of our blog (especially out of certain committed commenters) and possibly inspired a few of our readers, which was our goal in the first place.

So, so long, and thanks for all the flowers ;-)

by bargayott

I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And what do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. But I am horribly limited.

— Sylvia Plath

by valjusha

My sunday

by valjusha

6 things that make me sad

- not being able to fulfill people's expectations

- jobs like: teacher, or any job at the hotel. Because in these jobs you constantly get to know people, who will eventually leave after a while. And most of the people working for a long time in this kind of job will lose their enthousiasm and will stop to really wanting to get to know the person behind the person, because they know that this person will leave soon and another one is going to take this place. I could never do such a job, because it would break my heart to find out one day that I am indifferent to people.

- seeing on trashy German tv a reportage about an ex-drug-addict couple, who got a little appartment from the state after they did rehab. So far so good. But they somehow lost their will to do something in their lives and so they are lying all day on their bed, watching tv, eating and throwing the garbage on the floor. Which leads to a sea of paper, trash, flith, and in the middle of this sea is the bed with the two people, saying: "Tomorrow we will stand up and clean up our appartment, we won't watch tv, but we will start looking for a job, tomorrow we will start anew." This is my version of hell. I saw this reportage when I was a kid and I still think about it often.

-realizing that you love some things not for themselves, but for the idea that is behind loving them. When I was a kid I tried to collect stamps, but after a while I realized that I actually didn't really like the action of collecting stamps, but I liked doing it because one of my favourite charakters in a Astrid Lindgren book did it.

-being overly self-conscious

-that certain time, around 3:30 am, when you sometimes wake up and all your problems in life seem worse and you are so sad that it makes you sick and you are sure you won't be able to sleep anymore at all, but eventually you fall asleep and when you wake up life is better, but I am still so afraid of that certain hour.

by valjusha

a summer song

by valjusha

Trafalgar

Surprise Party

The turntable hacked up a melancholy blues
The air was heavy with dust and odors
Several zazous danced while holding to their hearts
Short girls with spasmodic behinds

In a closet, an amateur obstetrics couple
Delivered themselves to games full of art and naivete
Another in a corner attempted with ardor
Tonsil-coupling, to music.

Hands encountered one another under too-short skirts
Drunk, two lovebirds—(what if I said: two dodos?)
Looked everywhere for a bed; they were all full…

Let this happy youth screw itself
Why eradicate from them this impure manure
If their hope restricts itself to rubbing membranes?

Boris Vian

Not in the mood to write about poached eggs anymore.

Will be back after the summer holidays, full of new inspiration for so so many blogposts.

valjusha

"Hot town, summer in the city"

Ahhhh, did you hear the line in the song: "Running up the stairs, gonna meet you on the rooftop."? Hach... And how nice is this rooftop? :
Now, let's continue with summery stuff. Of course you have to drink a lot when it is hot and summer is also the perfect time in the year to drink cocktails. I randomly found this pic on the internet and it seems like a drink I would like to try! (Despite the cucumbers (which reminds me of the one time Quin ordered a drink with cucumber in it!))

Next, fashion, summerclothes! I am looking for a red, red, red bikini! And here some pics of clothes I like:



(Having a bit of a stripes overload... so I told me: you are still allowed to wear stripes, but you are not allowed to buy anything stripy anymore!)











And last but not least two summery pics that just give me a summerfeeling everytime I look at them:


by valjusha

I feel boys

There is this passage from the book "Cat's Eye" by Margaret Atwood: "What I do with boys is nothing to worry about. It's normal. We go to movies, where we sit in the smoking section and neck, or we go to drive-ins and eat popcorn and neck there as well. There are rules for necking, which we ovserve: approach, push away, approach, push away. The boy's mouths taste of cigarettes and salt, their skin smells like Old Spice aftershave. ... I don't feel about these boys the way girls do in true-romance comic books. I don't sit around wondering when they'll call. I like them but I don't fall in love with them. So partly the boys are not a serious matter. But at the same time they are.

The serious part is their bodies. I sit in the hall with the cradled telephone, and what I hear is their bodies. I don't listen much to the words but to the silences, and in the silences these bodies re-create themselves, are created by me, take form. When I am lonely for boys it's their bodies I miss. I study their hands lifting the cigarettes in the darkness of the movie theatres, the slope of a shoulder, the angle of a hip. Looking at them sideways, I examine them in different lights. My love for them is visual: that is the part of them I would like to possess. Don't move, I think. Stay like that. Let me have that. What power they have over me is held through the eyes, and when I'm tired of them it's an exhaustion partly physical, but also partly visual.

Only some of this has to do with sex; although some of it does. Some of the boys have cars, but others do not, and with them I go on buses, on streetcars, on the newly opened Toronto subway that is clean and uneventful and looks like a long pastel-tiled bathroom. These boys walk me home, we walk the long way around. The air smells of lilac or mown grass or burning leaves, depending on the season. We walk over the new cement footbridge, with the wollow trees arching overhead, the sound of running water from the creek beneath. We stand in the dim light coming from the lapposts on the bridge and lean back against the railing, their arms around me and mine around them. We lift each other's clothing, run our hands over each other's backbones, and I feel the backbone tensed and strung to breaking. I feel the lenght of the whole body, I touch the face, amazed. The faces of the boys change so much, they soften, open up, they ache. The body is pure energy, solidified light."

When I read this passage I understood exactly what she ment. When I sit next to a boy, not even touching him, I always feel the presence of the body, it is sort of a foreshadowing, a premonition. I feel the forms of the room and the forms of the boy in me, unconsciously. Sometimes I feel as thought the boys' bodies have a force that draws me to them. What I unconsciously feel about their bodies tells me a lot about the boys themselves. Bargayott once asked me: "Do you want him? (not going to mention any name)" and I said to him: "First I have to sit next to him and get a feeling of his body (but not really touch him) and see how he moves; only then I can truly tell you if I want him."

by valjusha

Colette

What is it that all the fashion brands make short movies with their collection in it? Well, I like it! (Remember, the charlotte ronson video I posted) These videos here are interesting too. Some of you might say: oh, this is soo superficial, the fashion world, the fast cars, beautiful women. But this interests me as well, I mean, especially in this video it is as though I am a voyeur into a world, people dream of, but that is unreachable. Then I also find the way, icons, artists, different eras were incorperated into these short clips, interesting. I especially like the Colette part, as I admire her as a writer! In addition appear the topics of youth versus age, feeling as though one does not fit in anymore, ignorance of what has been in the past and Saint-Tropez! And I can't tell you how beautiful I think the clothes are! So, here a bit of superficiality for you, it does good to get a dose of glitter from time to time. (oh, and just ignore the awful acting, I mean, they are models and not actors)

by valjusha

Alexa Chung

Can a couple be cooler than these two???

mmmh, and how I love random questions.

(all pics from iwanttobealexachung)

by valjusha

I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school.

This will be an inspiration post, sort of like a moodboard, with all the things that have inspired me during the last weeks. First of all some poetry. The last weeks have been quite poetry filled. The Poem "Die Liebenden" by Bertold Brecht is one of the poems I want to know by heart and I started to learn it. Even though I actually shouldn't put anything into my brain other than school material required for the soon to be exams... Everyone who reads this blog regularly should be familiar with the fact, that I absolutely love pictures with words on it, well this fetish has evolved in a new form: I am now obsessed with movie stills! With subtitles on the still! I will also post some of them! Right now I am very happy. It just appeared to me, that everything is just going to be alright.
Just rediscovered the song "wir sind hier nicht in seattle Dirk" by tocotronic!
OH hahahahah, how funny is the "Gap Yah"? And I actually know some English people who talk and are exactly like this guy...

DIE LIEBENDEN

Sieh jene Kraniche in großem Bogen!
Die Wolken, welche ihnen beigegeben
Zogen mit ihnen schon, als sie entflogen
Aus einem Leben in ein andres Leben
In gleicher Höhe und mit gleicher Eile
Scheinen sie alle beide nur daneben.
Daß so der Kranich mit der Wolke teile
Den schönen Himmel, den sie kurz befliegen
Daß also keines länger hier verweile
Und keines andres sehe als das Wiegen
Des andern in dem Wind, den beide spüren
Die jetzt im Fluge beieinander liegen
So mag der Wind sie in das Nichts entführen
Wenn sie nur nicht vergehen und sich bleiben
Solange kann sie beide nichts berühren
Solange kann man sie von jedem Ort vertreiben
Wo Regen drohen oder Schüsse schallen.
So unter Sonn und Monds wenig verschiedenen Scheiben
Fliegen sie hin, einander ganz verfallen.
Wohin ihr? Nirgendhin. Von wem davon? Von allen.
Ihr fragt, wie lange sind sie schon beisammen? Seit kurzem.
Und wann werden sie sich trennen? Bald.
So scheint die Liebe Liebenden ein Halt.






by valjusha

Lindihop!

I was going through some old pictures of mine and I found these that were taken on an evening out with a friend. We were on our way home when we spotted this big group of people dancing in the middle of the city! Eventually, we talked to some of them and found out that they were Lindihop enthusiasts who met at that spot every thursday to dance to swing music! It's always fascinating to learn about a subculture like this, especially when you find out that it has existed right below your nose...

Here are the photos:

by bargayott

Experiments

Here are a couple pictures from India, with which I tried something new. Lots of editing, strong colors, or no colors at all.

Please tell me what you think of it, and if you comment, please mention what you like or don't like.

by bargayott

Love will tear us apart

The last days brought me a new wave of pictures with words. I dwelled in the melancholic message of them and now I will post all of them.

Argh, they are all about love, why?

by valjusha