- not being able to fulfill people's expectations
- jobs like: teacher, or any job at the hotel. Because in these jobs you constantly get to know people, who will eventually leave after a while. And most of the people working for a long time in this kind of job will lose their enthousiasm and will stop to really wanting to get to know the person behind the person, because they know that this person will leave soon and another one is going to take this place. I could never do such a job, because it would break my heart to find out one day that I am indifferent to people.
- seeing on trashy German tv a reportage about an ex-drug-addict couple, who got a little appartment from the state after they did rehab. So far so good. But they somehow lost their will to do something in their lives and so they are lying all day on their bed, watching tv, eating and throwing the garbage on the floor. Which leads to a sea of paper, trash, flith, and in the middle of this sea is the bed with the two people, saying: "Tomorrow we will stand up and clean up our appartment, we won't watch tv, but we will start looking for a job, tomorrow we will start anew." This is my version of hell. I saw this reportage when I was a kid and I still think about it often.
-realizing that you love some things not for themselves, but for the idea that is behind loving them. When I was a kid I tried to collect stamps, but after a while I realized that I actually didn't really like the action of collecting stamps, but I liked doing it because one of my favourite charakters in a Astrid Lindgren book did it.
-being overly self-conscious
-that certain time, around 3:30 am, when you sometimes wake up and all your problems in life seem worse and you are so sad that it makes you sick and you are sure you won't be able to sleep anymore at all, but eventually you fall asleep and when you wake up life is better, but I am still so afraid of that certain hour.
by valjusha
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